wavyarms | (no subject)

In Spoleto. I think...I hope...I am back on track to feeling sane after a crazy year. However, our rehearsal schedule is insane, so I won't be on LJ much. I'm going to be posting about the festival at my "professional" blog over at Blogspot, so go say hello there if you're interested in what I'm doing this month. One warning - people who read that blog don't know about this blog, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. So any references to LJ, or to "another blog" that I have, will be deleted.

I am currently dealing with that old problem of feeling lots of pressure to be social, and not wanting to be social. I remember this first cropped up as early as middle school or high school...much of the time I would rather flop on my bed alone reading a book than hang out with a large group of people. For some reason I have a sort of deep-seated guilt about this, and I don't know where it came from. Maybe all those cultural signals that people are alone at the beginning of stories, and not alone at the end, and that's good. Also possibly the standard idea that if you don't want to hang out with someone, that must not mean you like them as much as you actually do.

It's just that I feel more miserly about time spent alone now than at possibly any other time in my life - after feeling pulled apart for the past so-many-months, the prospect of being alone and having time to spend is precious.